We had our first appointment with Dr. Brown since our baby’s condition had been discovered. It was really difficult going because the last time we’d been there everything was fine in our mind. We thought at this point we’d be looking forward to tracking a healthy baby’s progress. Now we didn’t know what to expect. And the waiting room suddenly wasn’t so friendly. It scared me. We had so many questions and no answers. The questions drifted through my mind as we sat in the waiting room, silently watching other women and couples come and go. How would we know if and when the baby did pass away? And what were we supposed to do? Would I go into labor?
Luckily, Dr. Brown alleviated a lot of questions. At least, as many as he could. He offered to have us come in on a weekly basis in order to listen to the baby’s heartbeat. I was very grateful for that – at least we’d be on a regular schedule so we’d know if anything changed with the baby. But it struck me that what we were really doing was listening for our baby’s heart to stop beating. I never would have expected my prenatal appointments would turn into such a nightmare. Instead of looking forward to the next milestone we'd come to every appointment wondering if this would be the day our son's heart would be still. I was grateful that at least we had a way to know how he was doing in there. It made me feel slightly less helpless. We were taking life one week at a time.
22 Weeks
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