We had another appointment and I had to go alone this time because of Scott’s stomach bug, poor guy. We didn’t really want him leaving the house when he was feeling sick, especially to a clinic with a bunch of pregnant women. So I was a little apprehensive – this was my first time going solo. Luckily I didn’t have to wait long and after all of the preliminary things, Dr. Brown made it to the exam room pretty quickly too. I was measuring at 33 centimeters – Dr. Brown said I was almost big enough to be considered full term.
It took a minute to find baby’s heartbeat and when he did, it was pretty slow. Suddenly Dr. Brown reached out and grabbed my wrist and I realized he thought it might be my heart beat we were hearing. He checked my pulse while we listened to the Doppler and after a few seconds, the heartbeat sped up so he confirmed it was the baby’s heartbeat. He kind of chuckled and said our hearts were in sync for a minute. Baby’s heart rate eventually sped up to 100 bpm.
Dr. Brown sat me up and we chatted for a little while. I’d been…losing spirits lately. Everything was wearing down on me. So it helped a little to talk to him. He reviewed the notes the MFM doctor left for him and said he agreed with waiting to deliver. He thinks that adding the complications of a preemie on top of everything else would do more damage than good. He asked how I felt about that and I said I didn’t really know either way.
I understood delivering too soon would be detrimental to my little boy’s health. I didn’t want to be responsible for saying “Let’s deliver now!” and have it be too early, leading to him passing away because he was too weak. But on the other hand, I didn’t want to wait too long and have him pass away in utero, leaving me to always wonder if we could have helped him had we delivered early. It was frustrating.
I did ask when he thought would be a good time to deliver – I told him the MFM doctor said basically when I go into labor. Dr. Brown replied saying that wasn’t possible – that this baby would not be delivered naturally if we were delivering a viable baby. He said if baby reached 36 weeks, we would deliver him via c-section because at 36 weeks, they are basically mature and he would stand the least amount of risk at that point.
36 weeks. I was currently 27 weeks and 5 days. It had been 8 weeks since we found out about our son’s condition. If we waited until he was 36 weeks, that’d be another 8 weeks we had to get through - that my little boy had to get through. I felt a little desperate thinking about that, wondering if he could possibly make it that long. 36 weeks would be the end of January - January 28th to be exact.
I’d been curious about Dr. Brown’s thoughts on the method of delivery – no matter what happened – so I asked him. He said if anything were to happen soon, we would probably be able to deliver naturally. But due to the large tumor on baby’s neck, if he got much bigger it’d be basically impossible for me to deliver him. So depending on when things happened and how big baby ends up would determine how we’d deliver, but chances were high that I’d have a c-section no matter what. I was surprised at how much that scared me considering I assumed that would be his answer. He wasn’t thrilled with the idea of doing a c-section for a non-viable baby, but he didn’t think he’d want to put me through all the stress and procedures of inducing me to deliver him should he get much larger. Not to mention baby was breach.
I left the appointment feeling, well, depressed. I didn’t talk to Scott much about it, but I could tell we were approaching the end. Our son’s heart was getting weaker with each visit. I could just sense or feel that our time to say goodbye was closer than any parent would want. Again, I didn't voice it, but I felt this was my last appointment getting to hear my son’s heartbeat.
Wednesday November 30, 2011
Scott and I were invited to go see the Temple lights on Temple Square with my parents and brothers, as they were taking the youth in their ward. We decided it would be fun to get out of the house, plus we hadn’t had a chance to go see the Temple Lights yet. So after Scott got home from work, we ate a quick meal of eggs, bacon and toast, since that was easy on both our stomachs, then we headed out. We parked a little ways away in the entrance to the Avenues and walked down, meeting my parents in front of the Assembly Hall. My mom asked Scott where his parents were and Scott turned around and said, “Right there.” His parents just happened to walk by right at that exact moment hahah, it was perfect timing! They stopped and we chatted for awhile, then we went our separate ways and began exploring the beautiful sights.
It was pretty chilly and Scott’s stomach was still giving him problems, so we didn’t plan to stay too long. We walked around, went inside the Tabernacle, stopped and watched the Nativity, went into the North Visitor’s Center and walked around downstairs, listened to a choir sing Jingle Bells to music from a horror movie, took pictures in front of the temple on the newlywed pedestal, and got some pictures at the reflection pool.
By this time we were done dealing with crowds, and my parents were ready to head home, so we said goodbye and made our way back to the car. Scott and I spent the rest of our evening eating pumpkin pie, ice cream, and watching Dragon Ball Z. (In case you didn’t know, we are total dorks. And we like it that way!)
The rest of the week was pretty quiet. I got to put up my Christmas decorations, which I always look forward to! And because Thanksgiving was over, I was allowed to listen to Christmas music!
Scott and I were invited to go see the Temple lights on Temple Square with my parents and brothers, as they were taking the youth in their ward. We decided it would be fun to get out of the house, plus we hadn’t had a chance to go see the Temple Lights yet. So after Scott got home from work, we ate a quick meal of eggs, bacon and toast, since that was easy on both our stomachs, then we headed out. We parked a little ways away in the entrance to the Avenues and walked down, meeting my parents in front of the Assembly Hall. My mom asked Scott where his parents were and Scott turned around and said, “Right there.” His parents just happened to walk by right at that exact moment hahah, it was perfect timing! They stopped and we chatted for awhile, then we went our separate ways and began exploring the beautiful sights.
It was pretty chilly and Scott’s stomach was still giving him problems, so we didn’t plan to stay too long. We walked around, went inside the Tabernacle, stopped and watched the Nativity, went into the North Visitor’s Center and walked around downstairs, listened to a choir sing Jingle Bells to music from a horror movie, took pictures in front of the temple on the newlywed pedestal, and got some pictures at the reflection pool.
By this time we were done dealing with crowds, and my parents were ready to head home, so we said goodbye and made our way back to the car. Scott and I spent the rest of our evening eating pumpkin pie, ice cream, and watching Dragon Ball Z. (In case you didn’t know, we are total dorks. And we like it that way!)
The rest of the week was pretty quiet. I got to put up my Christmas decorations, which I always look forward to! And because Thanksgiving was over, I was allowed to listen to Christmas music!
27 Weeks
No comments:
Post a Comment